the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
