Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
