he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
