I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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