i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
