i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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