in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
