"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
