He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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