I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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