fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
