i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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