there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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