That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
