Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
