who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Someone signed my nipple.
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