Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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