We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
