Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
