Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
