I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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