Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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