I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
