We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
