just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
