I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
