That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so let's talk penis.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
