It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
