I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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