I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
