I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
