My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
