those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
