reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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