This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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