sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
