It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
