my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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