May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
