And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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