We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
