If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
