Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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