I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i believe in u and ur pee
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
