i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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