I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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