non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We got so high we made milksteak
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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