So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
