I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
