I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
