i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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