So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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