I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The ass gains better be worth it
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