i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
