the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she told me i tasted like america
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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